I’ve been thinking a lot this past week about change for our family and how we have all been dealing with it in different ways.

We are all constantly changing

Change can be both motivating and stressful, sometimes at the same time.  When we feel in control of a situation, we can often use change as a springboard to a newer, more energizing and fulfilling life.  When we feel change is imposed on us then it can often feel debilitating and very stressful both mentally and physically.

Ideas to help thrive with change

So how can we help ourselves and our families and friends cope and thrive in these changed circumstances?

Firstly, although we think we may know ourselves and our family really well, these are unprecedented times, so it’s good to start with a blank slate and not assume that we understand what we and they are going through.  Just by asking them what they are feeling or thinking can be a really powerful way of support.  Changing ‘I know how you feel’ to ‘I don’t begin to understand what this must be like for you but just know that I am here to support you with what you need’ may open up a whole new area of discussion.  That’s the difference between offering sympathy and empathy.Some family members and friends might find it difficult to talk about feelings.  This is not always because they don’t want to express them to you! And lets not judge ourselves for this!  Sometimes it’s about having the language to express yourself or  it’s finding a different way look at something that can help.

As a major proponent of helping people deal with their negative thoughts,  Byron Katie shows us there are  28 words for helpless in the English language – paralysed, distraught, doomed, distressed, pathetic, overwhelmed, shut down, incompetent, incapable, alone, fatigued, useless, inferior, vulnerable, inept, incapacitated, cut off, trapped, weak, sick, nauseated, fidgety, trembling, craving, squirming, jittery, woozy, compulsive (find out more here at thework.com) .  Whichever words resonate best with you or your family remember, this is completely NORMAL for you and your situation.  You can support by responding to others with a simple ‘well that makes total sense for you in this situation’ rather than trying to fix it for them.

For visual people, using something like the blob tree can help too 

https://thestepforwardcpdblog.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/blob-examples1.jpg.  You can identify where you feel you are on the tree/football pitch and also where you want to be too.  There are lots of different examples of this too on Pintrest if you wanted to find a more relevant picture. 

Finally, if you find that being supportive is one way traffic (i.e. from you to everyone else) it’s ok to ask for it back!  Think about your own boundaries and ask for what you need – if your family or friends have  experienced the gently power of true listening and acknowledgement they will understand that it works for others too.

Talking of ask for what you need – please let me know if and how I can support you with more tips for family life in this changing time!   I would love to hear about your challenges and successes.