When we push ourselves to learn new things or have new experiences then we often stall or have anxiety over the a risk of failure. In one of my rambles with the dogs last week, I listened to a podcast that reminded me that if every time something in my life didn’t go quite to plan I named it as a ‘failure’ then I would be a broken person! http://mindyourbusinesspodcast.com/podcast/378 It talked about how thinking of events as failures masked the learning that these events bring. As learning is the number one thing that gives me energy I was instantly hooked!
Thinking we have failed or might fail is an instant energy drainer. It can stop us in our tracks, send us running for cover and cause physical signs of anxiety and fear. I was reminded of the many many times I have been lost (I have absolutely no sense of direction), especially when first driving to the Netherlands from the UK. The frustration and fear that brought was overwhelming until I was lost in exactly the same place sometime later and had the comfort and learning of knowing it would be ok in the end!
So that brings me neatly to the concept of reframing. What if, for example that I stopped worrying about the journey that I was about to take and if I would get lost on the way. What if I thought, it doesn’t matter what route I take, I will learn on that route and still get to a destination. I immediately had a physical sense of relaxation, a feeling of hope and excitement that my journey would be interesting and valuable. i was reminded of one of the foundation principles of IPEC
Life is a perfect adventure; a game that cannot be won or lost only played.
Bruce D Schneider
You only have to take a walk up by the beach to see this principle in action. We have a thriving surfing community here and although I am not brave enough to take to the water of the North Sea (completely freezing on most days), I do love to watch the surfers and kite surfers in action. You can watch the same surfer try 20 times to ride the very unpredictable waves with no concept of ‘failure’ on show, just building of muscle memory to feel the moment and find the power that they need to keep their momentum.
So I invite you to start to build up some of your own ‘muscle memory’ when thinking of failure and start to reframe those moments into thoughts and feelings that can give you power. If you are involved in a new or current situation where feelings of failure are stopping you from moving forwards or overwhelming you might find the following can help:
Ask yourself ‘What can I learn from this experience’
Ask yourself ‘What did I learn the last time this happened to me that can help me this time?’
Ask yourself ‘If I experienced this situation 10 times, what would be better about me after each experience?’ How can I make this happen in just one iteration?
Ask yourself ‘What does success really look like in this situation?’
By reframing your thoughts in this way you will start to find your power and open yourself to new possibilities. I wish you joy in your learnings and hope you reach the destination that embodies your success.
If you would like deeper insights into any of these issues, please contact me for a complimentary one to one session or for more information about group coaching and workshops.
